Ups, downs, and lasts.

"But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more." (Psalm 71:14, ESV)


What a whirlwind week it's been! Sunday, my roommate returned home from a 3 week trip out in some surrounding villages. We were able to spend the next few days together catching up, having fun around town, and making up for lost time.

As the week progressed, I found myself becoming more and more despondent. I watched my temper fuse shorten to a dangerous length. Thoughts of leaving Nepal filled my mind.

The people I will miss, the experiences I won't get to have another time, the culture I will be leaving behind.

It all came to a head Friday morning in grand fashion.

My roommate had gone to her office for the first day this week and that left me by myself at the flat. That's never been a problem, I have always enjoyed what we call "i-time." Or, the time I have to relish in my introverted nature.

I was working on my computer one minute, and next thing I know, I was a puddle of tears on the living room floor. No clue how I got there, no idea what triggered my dramatic flare of emotion. All I know is that it was brutal.

The next several hours were spent in vacillation between complete calm and indifference, and sobbing uncontrollably. It was exhausting. And quite confusing.

I attempted to sort through some of my clothes to try and distract my mind. I ended up sitting on the floor with a glass of water.

I survived the rest of the day in relative peace, only to be bombarded by the same emotions the following day.

Saturday was yet another last for me... My last girls club. This youth group has been my baby, my pet project. The highlight of every month.

To celebrate our last time getting together, I invited the girls over to my flat for a different kind of girls club. We ate snacks, did facial masks, and had a grand time.

My girls with their mud masks. I've never looked so white.

At the end of our time together, they all stood and sang me the sweetest song. It talked about how sad they were for me to leave, and that they will hold our memories in their hearts forever.

Oh, the emotions.

These girls are my heart, and yesterday it felt as though it was being ripped out of my chest.

They made me a poster with sweet notes from each of the girls. This has a prime real estate spot on my bedroom wall.

I know that all good things must come to an end at some point. And girls club was a VERY good thing. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. And it compiled more unpleasant emotions in my heart.

If leaving is this hard already, I can't imagine what heart ache the next 3 weeks will bring. I wish I could slow down time. I wish I could stop the painful process of leaving. But I know, and trust, that behind every challenge and trial is a lesson. Something that will help to form me more into the woman God desires for me to be.