Reckless uncertainty.

"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek." (Hebrew 6:19-20, ESV)

"I have one desire now -- to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all  my strength and energy into it." ~Elisabeth Elliot



I'm at a point in my journey in Nepal where people are constantly asking me the dreaded quesiton of "What will you do when you get home?" Fair enough. I see the logic behind that question. I understand the curiosity of what do people actually do when they come off the field?

If the roles were reversed, I can almost guarantee that I would be asking the same question.

I try to always be prepared with a viable answer or two in my back pocket. I try to say something that will make people nod in agreement and have kind words to say like "yeah, that's a great plan" or "it sounds like you've got it all figured out."

Basically, I will say anything to satisfy them and get them to stop asking.

Not because it's an annoying question. Truly, it's not. I enjoy that people care enough and are curious enough to ask. But, rather, it's because I actually don't have an answer to that question. And it fills me with anxiety.

I have never developed an affinity for the unknown. I have never enjoyed spending much time there. But that is exactly where I find myself.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

More importantly, I have no idea what God wants me to do with my life.

There are endless possibilities. Literally. And He hasn't shown me even the slightest bit of direction or preference as to which path He would have me follow.

Maybe I'll live in America happily ever after. Pick up where I left off on the quest for the proverbial American Dream. Perhaps He's calling me to the mission field full time. Whether that's here in Nepal or off in the deserts of a remote country. Fingers-crossed and prayers sent that I'll be married and have kids some day. But what if, down the road, God asks me to be single?

The possibilities are overwhelming. They make my brain hurt.

But I do know this one thing, this is the answer that has become my new response to my least favorite question...

"I have one desire now -- to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my strength and energy into it."

Elisabeth Elliot did just that. She lived out her live with a fierce love of the Lord, even when things didn't unfold the way I'm sure she had planned.

And I plan to follow in her footsteps. Wherever God puts me next, whatever vocation He calls me to, whoever He brings into my life and my heart, I will always pursue Him. I will always trust that He knows better than I do. No matter how hard, stressful, exciting, confusing, or enthralling my life becomes.

Shouldn't we all live like that? With God at the center of our lives, we should have the ability to live with reckless uncertainty. Because we have access to the single most certain thing in the world...Christ Jesus.

He is the anchor for my soul. And I will rest in Him. And I will trust in Him. I will pursue Him.

I will live with reckless abandon for HIM.