Free to forgive.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22 ESV)


In Kathmandu, women, especially foreign women, are sometimes grabbed inappropriately by motorcyclists driving by. We are also subject to unbefitting conversations with taxi drivers, and are occasionally touched inappropriately by the same men.


To the two men who grabbed me inappropriately last night;

You have stolen my sense of security.

I no longer feel comfortable leaving my flat by myself. I am afraid that if I find myself alone again, you will come back. And that, once again, I will choke. I won't be able to scream. I won't be able to punch you, which wouldn't compare to the actions I wish to take against you. I won't be able to fight back like I had always planned to.

I no longer feel safe in the dark. I am constantly listening for your motorcycle and your taxi coming from behind me. My ears are alert to every sound. Every drop of water, every dog bark, every horn honk, every revved engine. I don't even feel safe walking down the hallway in my flat without the lights turned on.

I no longer casually walk down the winding alleys of my neighborhood. Every few steps I check over my shoulder to see if you are there. If you are coming again. I don't trust the street lights to illuminate my surroundings.

I don't trust the innocent drivers just trying to get to their next destination. I don't even trust the people walking towards me, and most certainly not the ones behind me. And I refuse to walk with the flow of traffic, for fear that you will ride up behind me one more time.

Yet, despite all that...

I forgive you.

Both of you.

I am angry. I am hurt. I am disgusted that you thought that kind of behavior was okay. And I am fearful that this won't be an isolated incident.

But I forgive you.

Because who am I, a sinner, to hold back the grace that was so freely given to me? Who am I to decide your judgement?

My God is a jealous God. He protects what is His, and I am His. I know that He will place his judgment on you.

And because of that, I am free to forgive. And I am free to pray. And believe me, I'll pray.

I'll pray that God captures your hearts. That He will invade your lives and your spirits with His undeniable presence. He has the power to change the hardest of hearts, to redeem the most sinful of lives.

I know because He did that for me. And I can only hope and pray that you can experience the same all encompassing love that I feel everyday.

And I truly, truly hope that someday we will meet again. Not in this life, that might be more than I can handle. But again in Heaven, where our sins have been erased, and we can sing to Jesus as one family. Alive again, redeemed, forgiven.

Yours in Christ,
Megan