America the beautiful, and slightly out of reach.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." (Psalm 23:1-2 ESV)



GO HAWKS!!

I was blessed with the opportunity to watch the Super Bowl live (5:15 AM my Monday morning) surrounded by friends! We had wings, chips and salsa, and other "normal" Super Bowl foods, just like I was in America. And with the windows and curtains closed, the game projected on the wall just like a big flat screen television, listening to a mixture of cheering and laughing, for a split-second...I was IN America. Watching and rating the commercials, seeing the fireworks over the stadium, fawning over Bruno Mars. Seeing the extravagant waste of the country I so dearly love. I was swept away to the life I used to live.

But I had quite the time of it coming back. After being crowned World Champs, my roommate and I stepped back in the real world. Back to our normal lives. And I was smacked in the face with bright sunshine, busy roads, a lack of white people, and the realization that, in fact, I wasn't in America.

Talk about a brutal truth!

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I remember feeling discontent. I hadn't realized how much I missed America until that morning. The mirage I had sat in for 4 hours faded into my reality. One that I tried to resist all day.

Tuesday my roommate and I made our way down to Thamel, the tourist center of Kathmandu. Not my favorite place to go, but we had errands to run, and there was the promise of a steak dinner hanging over my head. Steak is, by far, my favorite food. Ever. And it's a rare find in Hindu territory. I was stoked.

And when we entered the restaurant, and I opened my menu, I was once again taken back to the land of stars and stripes. Of freedom, democracy, Starbucks, and washing machines. I blissfully ate my $6 steak (one of the best I've ever had) and chatted with my roomie for 2 hours.

Then we stepped back out into the street. And I was struck once again by the stark differences between my home in America and my home here in Nepal.

A true internal struggle was had the next day. I tried to hold onto the spirit of thankfulness I've acquired over the past 4 months. Thankfulness that we have internet, even if it's incredibly spotty. Thankfulness that we have a source of heat, even if it fills the room with the smell of gas.

But I felt it slipping away.

A lot of time was spent in prayer Wednesday morning. Prayer that God would help calm my heart, that He would stop the downward spiral that I was afraid was beginning. Prayer that He would revise my perspective one more time.

And He answered me.

In the form of my kids.

Oh, how I love my kids! They never cease to lighten my burdens, to rejuvenate my heart. An evening spent with them was just what I needed.

A flood of boys ran from their rooms all yelling "Megan Auntie! Megan Auntie!" We talked about soccer, school, and took plenty of pictures with my phone.

Dozens of little-girl hands tugged, ripped, and played with my hair. Risking lice was worth the joy it brought all of us.

I rocked a little one to sleep, who wasn't feeling well. And I was able to visit with some of our women, whom I have come to dearly love.

The Lord is good. All the time. He knows EXACTLY what I need, and when I need it. He allows me to struggle with things. To find where I stand. To find what I will run to first when things don't go my way, when they get hard.

God wants my full attention. My full devotion. But I am imperfect, and I fall short of giving Him those things CONSTANTLY.

Yet He doesn't withdraw from me. He doesn't stop loving me. He doesn't stop providing for me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. Not a minute too soon, not a second too late.

I love how He loves me.