Everyone has an addiction.

"Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." (Hebrews 12:28-29 ESV)

This last week has been a strange one. Sort of an in-between time for me. The short term team that I traveled with to get here left Tuesday night to return home, and there were a few days of adjustment to finish settling in to my new home. With a decent lack of things to do, came a scary situation for me. Let me explain.

 

I have an addictive personality. Meaning that I latch on to something, and ride the wave until it crashes to the shore, usually tossing me on my face somewhere along the way. And when I have time to sit around, generally I find something, not always a good thing, to latch on to. So the decision I needed to make this week was "what am I going to latch on to?" A television show? No, because we don't have cable here. A new music artist? Maybe, but I don't really want to spend the money on buying a bunch of new songs. Pick up a hobby? I really have no idea what they do here for hobbies, so probably not.

In my past, my "hobbies" and "extracurricular activities" involved things that were detrimental to my health. All throughout high school I struggled with eating disorders; anorexia, bulimia, diet pills...you name it. And that was the addiction that dominated my life, self harm. I new that moving here would present new struggles in that area of my life. New challenges I hadn't faced before, old demons that would surface again. I knew that I would be facing that temptation of addiction again. It was, and is, pretty scary for me. And then, Tuesday night, it clicked...

 

ADDICTION ISN'T ALWAYS BAD.
 

I was sitting and talking with the short term team, and some of the missionaries here on the ground in Nepal. Kimberly, who has been here almost 7 months, was talking with us about the ministry. And she was sharing that her hope and prayer is that if it came down to her or her husband Ben giving their lives so that one more person would come to know Christ, they would do it willingly. GLADLY. She began to cry as she told us this, conviction and determination in her voice. And all I could think was "God, PLEASE let me be like her when I grow up." What an incredible testimony of ADDICTION to God. She is so in love with our Savior. Addicted to him.
 

I want that kind of addiction in my life. I want to be so addicted to God that I can't fathom doing anything without him, without talking to him, without spending quality time with him. I want to have that kind of faith. I want to be addicted to my Jesus. And I want it to be contagious, like Kimberly's is for me. I want to get the women and children here at the campus addicted to Christ. And the cool thing, the wonderful thing, is that I can't do that. Only God can. He can choose to shine his light through me into the lives of the people here that I have the privilege of working with.
 

A wise monkey once told me, "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." For those of you who had a deprived childhood, that monkey is Rafiki, and he knows what's up. I have decided to LEARN from my past. To learn that addiction isn't always bad. Every has something they are addicted to, whether it's drugs, alcohol, pornography, pride, anger, laziness, or like me, eating disorders. And on some level, that addiction defines you. So choose what your addiction is. Put off the old ways, and put on the righteousness of Christ.
 

And that's my prayer request this week. That I would be addicted to God. And that through that, God would become the addiction of many men, women, and children here in Nepal. Please pray that as I adjust and I begin to realize that this truly is my new life, that God would be the addiction I run to, not my past.
 

"Don't shine so that others can see you, shine so that through you, others can see Him." C.S.Lewis

After All.

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast lobe of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" (Lamentations 3:21-24 ESV)

This last week has been amazing. Getting settled in to my flat, getting to know my roommate better, loving on children, and getting to see God's people worshipping in many different settings. And through it all the lyrics of one of my favorite songs were always on my mind: "After all, You are constant. After all, You are only good. After all, You are sovereign. Not for a moment did you forsake me." What an incredible reminder.

Do you ever have those days where you wish that you could go back in time and put a word in the Bible in capitol letters? Just to make it stand out more. To make people notice it more. In the verse I started this post with, that word would be HOPE. I have seen hope in so many peoples eyes this last week. Every where from fellow bideshi (that's Nepali for 'foreigner') on Sunday morning, to the children at the campus I fell in love with this week. They all have HOPE. The same hope that I have. Hope in eternal life, in a God whose love never fails. Whose mercies are new EVERY morning.

I even saw that hope as I hiked to the top of a mountain with my teammates who are still in country with me. We passed house after house, home after home, that are no bigger than my bedroom. With upwards of 5 people living in them. Made of mud and sticks. And I thought "God why is this fair? These people have nothing. And I have everything I could ever want. Why are they the ones who have to live these hard, sad lives?" I got really down on myself. Almost depressed. And then I saw their eyes. I saw that HOPE. The hope that we share in Christ Jesus. And I realized that they had everything they will ever need. Everything they could ever want...in Christ and Christ alone. Whoa. Talk about a reality check. They don't need fancy cars, or any kind of transportation; a smart phone, or any kind of communication; hair products, anything other than a hairbrush. They have it all. God is all they need. All they want.

And those lyrics came to mind again. "After all, You are CONSTANT. After all, You are ONLY GOOD. After all, You are SOVEREIGN." God is still God here in Nepal. And even when I don't understand him, he is good. All the time. And the Nepali Christians know that. We were visiting with Ram Saran, a Nepali pastor trained by Joel Garrison, and he spoke of how lonely he gets, and how hard it is being so far away from fellowship, and from support. But he prays to God. And God gives him comfort. And Ram said that God sent us to him, because God knew how lonely he was that day. How incredibly humbling to be such a small part of God's kingdom, and of his plan, but to have made such a big impact in the life of this servant.

While we were visiting with Ram, we were able to witness three baptisms of Nepali believers. So amazing to watch these professions of faith in a culture where it is unacceptable to follow Jesus. These men and women were testaments to how God is at work in this country!

I'm still in awe that God chose me, ME, to be where I am now. He had his choice of anyone in the world, and he chose me. They are people who are far more qualified than I am to be here, and yet he chose me. That's pretty cool. And incredibly humbling.

Please continue to pray for me! I have begun to build relationships with the missionaries here on the field, and I am excited about the friendships that I'm forming. I have also been able to build friendships with some of the younger girls at the campus; Sanjita, Sunita, Babita, and Astha have become my little buddies. Pray that I would be able to break down some barriers of shyness and unfamiliarity with the older girls. And pray that God would continue to be at work in my heart! So far He has been a constant comfort to me, and I am so thankful that this far the transition has been easy. I know hard days are coming, but I also know that I have a CONSTANT God to lean on.

God Bless!

It's the little things.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1: 3-6 ESV)



I made it! I'm in Nepal. We arrived late Friday night (which is Friday morning in the States) safe and sound!

Leaving Thursday morning with the team was difficult. I was incredibly sad to leave my friends and family, but I had so much excitement in the moment, I don't think I realized I was actually leaving. It was such a blur! I was fine during all the long flights, the sleepless 30 hours of travel, and airplane food that left me hungry. But when the plane landed in Kathmandu and the young man sitting next to me said "welcome to Nepal," I lost it. I kept thinking "what have I done?" "God why did I do this?" I wanted to skip immigration and hop on the next flight home.

Then I stepped off the plane. And I smelled it. And I fell in love all over again. Not because it smelled good, because it didn't (it was like a mix between curry, garbage, and urine). But because God used the little things to confirm to me that I was in the right place. A familiar smell, and familiar face when we saw Joel waiting outside the airport for us. And the familiar cold tile of the guest house as we lugged 12 fifty pound bags up three flights of stairs.

It was the little thing of having a handful of girls from the orphanage remember me from last year. Running up to me yelling "Auntie! Auntie!" And holding my hand while we walked around the new campus. What a huge blessing to me! God is so good.

As I'm typing this post, I'm sitting in the kitchen of my new flat with my roommate, and I'm listening to the rain. THE RAIN. God knew I needed a little tasted of home today. The little thing of having a rainy day when there shouldn't have been one was perfect for my homesick heart.

Thank you for your prayers for me and the short-term team I'm traveling with on our journey! God heard you.

Tomorrow we start VBS with the children at the campus. Thursday we leave to travel out to Chitwan, a village about an 8 hour drive and 2 hour hike away. Please be praying for us as we do these things! We want God to be glorified and the people we encounter to be loved on.

The day before I left, Pastor Koby invited me to come to staff chapel at Canyon Hills Community Church, and he did a devotional that was incredibly encouraging to me. He reminded me that BEFORE the FOUNDATION of the world was made, God knew I would be here. Right now. In Nepal. What peace that gives me.

I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I have been by all of your prayers. They are making a difference. Please continue to pray! Please pray that God would fuel my excitement and my love for the people I will get to work with. And pray that the short-term team and I would stay healthy while we're here. But most of all pray for the Nepali people.

Right now they are celebrating the festival called Dashain (pronounced dah-sigh), and they are sacrificing thousands of animals in Kathmandu and the surrounding cities. They are so lost. They think that these sacrifices will appease their gods. Please be praying that the ministry the Garrison's have set up here would shed light on the Gospel. That the Nepali people would know about the One True Sacrifice.

God bless you!

I can't believe this is my life.

"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, 'go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." (James 2:14-17 ESV)

I was talking with my future roommate this past weekend, and she so eloquently said "sometimes I can't believe this is my life." I'm positive I couldn't have said it better myself! I can't believe that THIS is my life. It's so not how I saw my life going. Mid-term missions doesn't fit into the American Dream. But it fits into God's will for my life. 

That's where I find myself right now. Living in God's will. Facing a scary adventure far away, in a foreign nation, but totally at peace. More at peace than I have ever been in my life, more than I ever imagined was possible. Because my God, THE God, has got me right where He wants me. 

The "see you laters" have started, and while they are heart-crushing (the heart is a muscle and can't be broken, only crushed), I have so much hope coming out of them. This trip isn't just about me, and how God is going to grow me, but how God will effect the people I'm leaving behind through the stories I will get to share. And I CANNOT WAIT to share them with you! 

Thursday is the day. I'm leaving with an eternal mindset, and a heart full of Christ's love for the people of Nepal! I know we are commanded not to covet in the Bible, but I covet your prayers! I'm going to need them in the good times, the victories, the hard times, when I'm frustrated, and when I just want to come home. 

I'll post again when I'm settled in to my flat!