I Am Not Good Enough

"For by grace you have been saved. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:8-10, ESV)

I have never claimed to be smart. I don't have a lot of knowledge, and I don't consider myself to be very wise. Although I try my best at everything I do, I'm not good at many things. And that's ok. In fact, that's great! 

Sometimes I find myself saying, "God look at me! Look at what I can do!" I try to prove to Him that I'm worth something. That I'm worth Him looking at me, noticing me. That He should be mindful of me. Like I deserve it. And every time I do that, I walk away feeling adequate, feeling unnoticed, and like God wasn't impressed by me. I used to hate that. Not feeling good enough or worthy is a brutal place to be. And in my past it has gotten me into a world of hurt. 

But now I'm grateful, and thankful, for that feeling. Oddly, I get excited when my pride is shot down. Because it drives me back to the cross. It reminds me of what Christ did for me. Of how much He loves me. And of how unworthy I am of a gift of such great magnitude. 

I never thought I would say these next words...I LOVE being "not good enough." It denies me any and all glory. Not being good enough points me to God, and His ultimate glory. And I hope and pray that it points other people to him as well. 

The coolest part of all this is...wait for it...hold on...CHRIST IS GOOD ENOUGH. And every time I mess up, and every time I'm not faithful to God, He says, "it's ok, I am good enough. I have covered you with an everlasting and unfailing love." Romans 3:10-11 says "as it is written: no one is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God." BUT in our imperfections, in our failures, in our "not good enough," God pursues us. Hard. 

So I'm thankful that I'm not good enough. I am glad that during my time in Nepal there is not a single thing I can do on my own. Every breath and every step is by the grace of God ALONE. And the love I will show the Nepalese people won't be my own imperfect, faulty, selfish love. It will be Christ's. Because He is good enough. 

It's getting close you guys! 22 days, 17 hours, and 1 minute! There will be an open house "See You Later" party for me at Canyon Hills Community Church on Monday October 7th from 6:30-8:30. Please come by! I would love to see you there!