Something more.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you." (1 Peter 1:3-4 ESV)


So many times this last week I longed for my "passport home." The place where I grew up. The place where my loved ones are. But every time I did, I longed to stay in my "adopted home" just as badly. The place where my kids are. The place that I have been integrated into.

And it left me in a bit of a confused place. Where exactly is my home? I'm not sure that right now I can label either America or Nepal as my "home." But there is one place I can assuredly call home...

Heaven.

Cliche. Corny. Whatever. It's true.

There has never been a time in my life where I pined for that home so much as I did this past week. A flurry of activity that sent my head spinning, feeling like I can't get my feet steadily under me. I wanted the simplicity of sitting at the feet of my Savior. Spending all my time praising him, without another care.

Everyone has their "heaven is like this" list. You know, cheap Starbucks and air conditioning, or comfy couches and grandma's home cooked dinner. At least that's what my list looked like.

And then I came here. And my list changed. Things like water pressure and paved roads topped the list. Closely followed by constant electricity and organized traffic with a few less honking horns. I have to admit, Starbucks stayed on the list.

But this last week it began to change yet again. I wanted to be in the REAL heaven. Not my silly, made-up, convenience-driven heaven.

I wanted something more.

I wanted a place where the pearly gates will be a one-stop immigration office, instead of the weeks it takes for the visa process here. I wanted a place where it doesn't matter if you like the worship song your singing, your heart is so set on Jesus that you can't hold in your love for him. I wanted a place where my kids don't have to feel the hurt and betrayal of being left behind or discarded by loved ones.

I wanted the real deal. I still do.

And while I can't wait to be there, to see my Jesus and to spend eternity in the place he has prepared for me, I know that I'm meant to be here for a little while longer. Here in my adopted home loving on my kids, and eventually back in my passport home loving on those near and dear to my heart.

My prayer, however, is that I never lose the longing for my real home. That I always desire to be there. And that in the in-between, hair-pulling-out, nail-biting, tear-shedding life I have left to live, God would give me more opportunities to serve him, to love him, and to shine his light in this dark world.